Tag Archives: Enneagram

To say that 3s want to succeed is like saying that penguins kinda sorta might like to get to their breeding grounds if it’s not too much trouble (see March of the Penguins).  3s are not only determined to succeed in all areas of their lives, they are also driven to avoid both the experience and the appearance of failing. Because 3s are the type most caught up in the issue of image–constantly trying to project an image both internally (to themselves) and externally (to everyone else)–experience and appearance become somewhat undifferentiated.

Wanting to achieve great things, being highly motivated, and working extra hard in order to succeed are all admirable qualities. No one wants to belong to the losers’ club. But too much single-minded devotion to the pursuit of achievement can easily become too much of a good thing.

By constantly measuring the value of their lives according to a pass/fail grading system, 3s risk missing out on so much that is not measurable by that yardstick. By screening out evidence of perceived failure–the thing they are most afraid of admitting–they risk denying their own experience. By attempting to mold themselves into a laudable persona according to other people’s definitions, they risk losing themselves to themselves. By always striving to achieve more and more on the success treadmill, they risk remaining forever unsatisfied and restless.

If 3s learn to embrace their Inner Underachiever and let go of the need to rise to the top in everything they do, they might be able to open themselves up to a totally different kind of success. They might be able to graciously sit one out now and then and let someone else get the win. They might be able to let down their guard, relax, and do something just for fun. They might find out that losing once in a while (or at least not always winning) makes it easier for people to relate to them. They might succeed in finding out who they really are.

If nothing else, I can serve as a bad example. Back on 09/22/12, I kicked off my other blog, www.givemeadaisy.com, by describing how I had come up with a personal keyword theme for the season of autumn: velocity.

Velocity, of course, means speed, pace, swiftness, or rapidity. And that’s exactly what I had in mind: moving as fast as I could to get as much done as possible.

It took a couple of weeks before I realized the extent to which I’d put the cart before the horse by failing to specify a direction. Going for velocity without first identifying a destination—or having a vision of where I wanted to go—is akin to setting a driverless race car careening along a track at high speed. Derailment, or worse, is only a matter of time.

How perfectly like an 8, though. Speed over substance; quantity over quality. The whole thing really made me laugh at myself. It isn’t that I value speed or quantity over substance or quality. It’s just that it’s so much easier for me to go there. It’s easier for me to move. Move where? Anywhere! The direction is often less important than the motion.

I don’t recommend trying this at home.

Fortunately, I recognized my folly before I hit the rails or crashed and burned. I have since decided on a destination and laid in a course. All systems are go. At least now I’m a guided missile.

1s want to do whatever they do correctly. They are driven to always be right, upright, (sometimes even righteous), as well as conscientious, ethical, and moral. They have an image of perfection they try to realize, and their fear is that they can’t measure up–they’re not good enough, proper enough, or conscientious enough to attain it.

So they strive mightily to prove to themselves and others how principled and ethical and responsible and hard-working they are. It can be a pretty tough row to hoe. Perfection is an ideal that is rarely fully realized in the real world. Chasing after it can make 1s very intense and sometimes even, dare we say, rigid.

If 1s accept the fact that, trite though it sounds, nobody’s perfect and it’s OK not to be (and do) right all the time, they may find it easier to relax a little and focus on the bigger picture. The same degree of scrutiny does not need to be applied to everyone and everything. Mistakes were made. Stitches were dropped. Commas were misplaced. Life is irregular and messy and imperfect. Sometimes that’s the best thing about it!

So if you’re a 1, let yourself go out and do something haphazardly or casually. You know you have it in you. Let yourself off the hook for your past transgressions. They’re what make you human. They’re what make it possible for other people to relate to you.

Your true value–what you have to offer the rest of us–doesn’t lie exclusively in crossing all the i’s and dotting all the t’s, except when you’re proofreading. Otherwise good enough is often good enough.

Next Friday: Type 2: Embrace Your Inner Pip-Squeak